about to lose my job
cause ive been canceling like an hour before it starts
they probably think its just me over sleeping
but its my mom and she’s ruining everything
why the hell do i have to wake up everyday and she starts saying
how dreadful she feels and how im kind of a person who will abandon my child
whenever i get bored of her or something…
i just cant believe why she has to say that out of nothing
and she slams the door and locks which means “you leave emma for work, sure, but i wont look after her “
so i call work, tell them mom left for an urgent work
but surely they’re sick and tired of my “excuses”
I still have no nursery for emma
private places are too expensive
school starts in April but im all tangled up in debt
my scholarship was used by my mother for her company
people never believes you when you say you’re tired of your life
until they actually see you dead or gone somewhere, which i cant do
so technically everyone thinks im okay
im never okay
im so tired
tommorow i have work again which i cant be sure if i can go
cant leave emma behind alone
and to convince my mother i have to say i was wrong in everything
then she cries to show how she was hurt
and smiles cause i admit i’ve lost
and all seems to go well
i sleep, i wake up
and she’s totally pissed off in something i have no idea of
and i skip work again.
なんだよこれ。
